Need
for Speedy Break-ups;Why We Must Break a Heart TODAY!
This
piece is an attempt to analyze certain intricately interwoven
issues bothering on relationships. It adopts a rather unsavory/ unpleasant yet
realistic analysis of the reasons why certain breakups are of utter necessity.
Perhaps,
I should plead with you that I am totally of the view that
unnecessary break ups and dishing out heartbreaks are utterly despicable and sternly
frowned at.
Thus,
as much as I wouldn't want to be seen in the Jerry Springer love destroying lights,
the fact is there is obviously no couch arranged here. So, I won't try to play
Oprah Winfrey. Maybe a blend of both though.
So
many reasons abound why people end relationships. They include, habit (what
some call the “jump and hop syndrome”), sudden incompatibility, family
pressure, finance, unfaithfulness and infidelity, mutual discharge,
intolerability and for others, self assessment and realisation of risk and the
lack of prospects or future.
It
is the last reason that this piece is designed to address.
In
my usual fashion, let's use a hypothetical case again to approach this work.
Soon
after kick starting a love relationship discoveries of unwanted traits about
the other partner are made. Traits no one would like to see manifest in their
kids. For example, deep egocentricity, male chauvinism and deep seated belief
that women rank below men, sexual abuse/violence, lying, womanizing, pilfering,
cultism/occultism, infidelity, self-centredness, loquacious and vainly
profane man, compulsive wastefulness, abject laziness, explosive anger and violence,
cheating in exams and dishonesty, nagging, drug addiction, alcoholism, static
youthfulness, disregard for partner's family and friends. The list of
unpardonable flaws goes on!
Not
wanting to hurt her/him just yet, one continues to pretend and feign deep love
for the other. Unfortunately, she's happens not to be as realistic as he is,
and maybe out of some senseless societal pressure ON SPINSTERS, she wouldn't mind heading into marriage.
For ladies, the usual belief is that he'd change once married. They ignore these
beaming signs hoping he would suddenly change once he gets married and has
kids. How false!
However,
he doesn't share those views, and feels little or no pressure to get married.
He's able to see how he'd eventually be forced to derail from marital vows and
most probably cheat on her because he never really loved her in the first
instance. This ultimately leads to a grand scale divorce...and she becomes a
total emotional wreck. Besides divorce, cases of deadly domestic violence are
replete in the media and cause lists. For instance, the case of the banker lady
that was stabbed about 90 times by her pastor husband, the violent man who
burnt his wife to death with an electric iron. Talk about acid baths due to suspicion of
adultery.
Now the Question and Analysis.
At what
point would it be appropriate to pull the plug? Better put, when would it be
right or 'less wrong' to initiate a break up?
My
view about some, but certainly not all break up is this; It might be great
necessity to sever ties were some of these unpardonable traits are noticed.
Regardless of the belief in making your partners change, while some habits can
be corrected, one must not forget that certain human tendencies and
proclivities are innate and very much genetic, hence unchangeable. Like some
would say, "old habits die hard". In the words of rapper Eminem, “some
things just don’t change”.
Consequently,
once such attributes are observed, it behooves on the observer to take
precautionary steps to avoid getting miles deep in the web of emotions. Thus, the
most economically, socially and of course emotionally prudent step to take it
pull out, albeit gently!
Granted,
this may seem hard and heartless, but
let the reader not fail to imagine what would happen if such relationship is nurtured
to full maturity and even marriage-sheer Catastrophe, tragedy and total fiasco!
For example, if the brutally murdered bank lady had been shown on HD TV the
violent proclivities of her husband early enough, one can only imagine the
benefit she would have done to herself, her kids, family, friends, employers
and of course her husband if she had upon such discovery broken up with him
before marriage. That's my point exactly!!
The
truth about human relationships generally is that the longer it lasts, the
stronger the bond develops. This is even more so when it’s an emotional one.
In
the Nigerian society, women are always at the receiving ends of nasty divorces
and extreme domestic cruelties. So, where this signs that guarantees divorce,
maiming or even death in future are shown in neon lights, nipping the malignant
cancer at that point seems the best option.
That
said, it wouldn't be totally thoughtless to bid a hasty retreat before it is
probably too late. With that in mind, we can quickly argue that we must not
always expect every relationship to end in marriage. Or we must not always see
break ups as some negative, heart wrenching event which must be abhorred and
avoided at all cost. Better a breakup than a divorce or death! Mind you, love
deals with good conscience and not pity. If it’s hinged on pity, it hardly stands!
Who wants a divorce? Who wants to be stabbed 90 times or ironned out to death by
her devilish husband? Surely, no one!
.
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by Ehiwuogwu Onyeka for www.zeustelescope.blogspot.com
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