Thursday, August 08, 2013

Re Cornelius Ojo's "Wole Soyinka's 'Domestic Appendage' Revisited" Thisday Newspaper,7th August,2013

Reading through Mr. Ojo's view of Professor Wole Soyinka's abusive tirades against people, I appreciated the courage and industry put into the work by the writer. I was largely concurring with his opinion on WS's regular attack on his 'intellectual juniors' with reckless abandon. It takes sheer guts to direct such criticism at someone of the Prof's standing!
However, at the point where he veered off to address the "domestic appendage" and "sheppopotanus" issues, Mr. Ojo in my opinion made a total mess of the entire work like my one year old German Shepherd Dog who would head straight for the mud, soon after a thorough bath, when he began to hinge his argument on the gender and 'motherliness' of madam Patience Jonathan. No doubt it is adorable to give respect to women, but it stands more to wisdom that nobody deserves to be pelted with a WS type of insult, irrespective of gender. The point remains that (and in line with the principles of gender equality), if those words were wrong for a woman, there surely is no reason why it should be less so to a man. His recourse to gender as the fulcrum of his debate clearly smacks of an appeal to emotion, based on the extra sensitivity of gender issues especially when a woman is quickly portrayed as the victim like he laboured to do.
Granted, women deserve more protection, but it must be stated just now that if WS was wrong to have insulted Patience Jonathan, he would also be adjudged wrong to insult any other government functionary in the same style, regardless of gender of the 'insultee'.
He tried to make analogies with James Cameron's "Calm down dear" remark in parliament and the lousy, slack-jawed US mayor who flippantly interrupted the Malaysian president to say that "Malaysian women only go to universities to find husband" Those analogies certainly are non sequitor! They are both of bipolar extremes and do not follow. In WS's case, his "domestic appendage" and "sheppopotamus" jibes were provoked and retaliatory, the examples cited by him were based on the apparently sexist minds the two men against innocent and absolutely defenseless women.
As to his claim about WS showing no respect for women, his domestic appendage statement was obviously directed at the unconstitutional office of the first lady and not the woman Patience Jonathan per se. He never said she was a domestic appendage to her husband GEJ, but that her OFFICE is a domestic appendage to that of the Presidency owing to its unconstitutionality. Let's ask ourselves one question, if and when a woman becomes the President, or Governor of a state and her husband chooses to exercise his role as the 'first Gentlemen' would reference to his office as a domestic appendage still amount to an insult? If not, what happens to the much preached gender equality? If in the affirmative, then Mr. Cornelius's argument becomes totally baseless and akin to an idle rant. The truth of that statement is unimpeachable and hearing it from WS was nothing more than putting the ideas of every Nigerian with a basic knowledge of constitutional law in mind. His comparison with the Yerima child bride issue was plainly the height of  his failure to properly appreciate the job he set out to do in his caption. He clearly behaved like the proverbial hare who got off the block first but hardly made it to the finish line. Furthermore, the mere fact that William Regan's first lady became what he described does not mean that we MUST of necessity tow that part or make our first lady an unruly horse or a pseudo-President.

He slamed the final nail on the coffin when he attempted to take a drift into the Ameachi issue, thus leaving the realm of his write up into the justification of PJ's position. Hear him;
               Ordinarilly,It is politically unwise for a governor to tango with the wife of the president, more so when the woman is an indigene of your state.It is most illogical. A political savvy Governor would see that as an asset to him and his government rather than war-war with her"

No doubt his ideas sound plausible, but  it is fraught with inapplicability to the current Jonathan/Amaechi saga.Its senselessness lies in the fact that it was already politically impossible for Ameachi to 'see PJ as an “asset”, in the heat of a steaming brawl with her husband. Common!
Without wanting to hold brief for Ameachi, because I couldn't care less what becomes of the tussle, the simple question is, with GEJ and Ameachi already at logger heads, how possible would it have been for Ameachi to go on an ego massaging spree on PJ in a bid to avoid her contribution to the war against her husband’s enemy.To me, almost herculean, impossible to say the least!
Finally, he capped his anti WS campaign by highlighting some 'ACN' state activities and happenings! No doubt they ought to be frowned at due to misuse of public funds, but why Tinubu's Lagos and Ekiti alone? ACN held states! What happened to insecurity and terrorism in the North, pipeline vandalisation and oil bunkery in PDP  Southern states, kidnapping in the East and general unemployment, poverty and the corruption drowning the Nation?
Ps: Dear Cornelius, if you strongly feel the urge to defend PJ or attack WS, it shouldn't be done without recourse to objectivity and logical arguments rather than plunging head long into the deep sea bed of emotions and sentiments.

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Tuesday, August 06, 2013

Need for Speedy Break Ups:Why We Must Break a Heart TODAY.

 Need for Speedy Break-ups;Why We Must Break a Heart TODAY!
This piece is an attempt to analyze certain intricately interwoven issues bothering on relationships. It adopts a rather unsavory/ unpleasant yet realistic analysis of the reasons why certain breakups are of utter necessity.
Perhaps, I should plead with you that I am totally of the view that unnecessary break ups and dishing out heartbreaks are utterly despicable and sternly frowned at.
Thus, as much as I wouldn't want to be seen in the Jerry Springer love destroying lights, the fact is there is obviously no couch arranged here. So, I won't try to play Oprah Winfrey. Maybe a blend of both though.
So many reasons abound why people end relationships. They include, habit (what some call the “jump and hop syndrome”), sudden incompatibility, family pressure, finance, unfaithfulness and infidelity, mutual discharge, intolerability and for others, self assessment and realisation of risk and the lack of prospects or future.
It is the last reason that this piece is designed to address.
In my usual fashion, let's use a hypothetical case again to approach this work.
Soon after kick starting a love relationship discoveries of unwanted traits about the other partner are made. Traits no one would like to see manifest in their kids. For example, deep egocentricity, male chauvinism and deep seated belief that women rank below men, sexual abuse/violence, lying, womanizing, pilfering, cultism/occultism, infidelity, self-centredness, loquacious and vainly profane man, compulsive wastefulness, abject laziness, explosive anger and violence, cheating in exams and dishonesty, nagging, drug addiction, alcoholism, static youthfulness, disregard for partner's family and friends. The list of unpardonable flaws goes on!

Not wanting to hurt her/him just yet, one continues to pretend and feign deep love for the other. Unfortunately, she's happens not to be as realistic as he is, and maybe out of some senseless societal pressure ON SPINSTERS, she wouldn't mind heading into marriage. For ladies, the usual belief is that he'd change once married. They ignore these beaming signs hoping he would suddenly change once he gets married and has kids. How false!
However, he doesn't share those views, and feels little or no pressure to get married. He's able to see how he'd eventually be forced to derail from marital vows and most probably cheat on her because he never really loved her in the first instance. This ultimately leads to a grand scale divorce...and she becomes a total emotional wreck. Besides divorce, cases of deadly domestic violence are replete in the media and cause lists. For instance, the case of the banker lady that was stabbed about 90 times by her pastor husband, the violent man who burnt his wife to death with an electric iron. Talk about acid baths due to suspicion of adultery.
Now the Question and Analysis.
At what point would it be appropriate to pull the plug? Better put, when would it be right or 'less wrong' to initiate a break up?
My view about some, but certainly not all break up is this; It might be great necessity to sever ties were some of these unpardonable traits are noticed. Regardless of the belief in making your partners change, while some habits can be corrected, one must not forget that certain human tendencies and proclivities are innate and very much genetic, hence unchangeable. Like some would say, "old habits die hard". In the words of rapper Eminem, “some things just don’t change”.

Consequently, once such attributes are observed, it behooves on the observer to take precautionary steps to avoid getting miles deep in the web of emotions. Thus, the most economically, socially and of course emotionally prudent step to take it pull out, albeit gently!
Granted, this may seem  hard and heartless, but let the reader not fail to imagine what would happen if such relationship is nurtured to full maturity and even marriage-sheer Catastrophe, tragedy and total fiasco! For example, if the brutally murdered bank lady had been shown on HD TV the violent proclivities of her husband early enough, one can only imagine the benefit she would have done to herself, her kids, family, friends, employers and of course her husband if she had upon such discovery broken up with him before marriage. That's my point exactly!!
The truth about human relationships generally is that the longer it lasts, the stronger the bond develops. This is even more so when it’s an emotional one.

In the Nigerian society, women are always at the receiving ends of nasty divorces and extreme domestic cruelties. So, where this signs that guarantees divorce, maiming or even death in future are shown in neon lights, nipping the malignant cancer at that point seems the best option.
That said, it wouldn't be totally thoughtless to bid a hasty retreat before it is probably too late. With that in mind, we can quickly argue that we must not always expect every relationship to end in marriage. Or we must not always see break ups as some negative, heart wrenching event which must be abhorred and avoided at all cost. Better a breakup than a divorce or death! Mind you, love deals with good conscience and not pity. If it’s hinged on pity, it hardly stands! Who wants a divorce? Who wants to be stabbed 90 times or ironned out to death by her devilish husband? Surely, no one!
.

by Ehiwuogwu Onyeka for www.zeustelescope.blogspot.com


Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Always Appreciate What You Have

Always Appreciate What You Have!
The call to bar ceremony remains the best day of every lawyer's life. Indubitably so! The joy accompanied is hard to put in words. With the presence of family, friends, well wishers, the indifferent ones and of course enemies in friend clothing, an inductee lawyer really does feel like a King.
In the hall, I sat surrounded by four stunning ladies.Yea, just the way I like em! (I couldn't possibly wish for a better position).With the prettiest right opposite me. As expected, I broke the silence with a calm, boss like exchange of pleasantries and ushered in an suitable topic for conversation. With that, I sat back to listen while she took up the discussion. I listened or at least pretended to be listening. Suddenly she picked her phone and began to yell in Igbo language into the mouth piece. From my little understanding of Igbo language I could quickly tell she was furious with her dad for not making it into the hall before the doors were shut.
While her 'phoneversation' went on, I treated myself to a view of the full auditorium and the sea of heads of friends and family members of the the inductees. At that point, I could feel a cloud of emotion and maybe tears gathering in my head.
Just as it gained momentum I shook my head as if to reassure myself I had to be a man! She beckoned on me and informed me of the fact that her dad had come all the way from Enugu state but still could not make it into the hall. In her words, "he shouldn't have bothered at all"!
Almost angrily, I whipped out my phone and showed her a text message I had sent to my sister earlier when I felt cloudy with tears. It read;
'Just got into the hall now, about to start.
Wish daddy was alive to see this'
Abruptly, she dropped my phone with tears in her eyes and began to sob. So bad she made quite an embarrassing scene for me, as I parried several questions as to what I did to her. Sadly, I lost my white handkerchief in the event too! She picked her phone again and called her dad, saying in Igbo language "Daddy, biko ewe ne iwe o, nga kpo gi ayi puta na ebaa". Translation; "daddy, please, I'm sorry, do not be offended, I'll call you as soon as we leave this place". 
As she dropped her phone, she looked like at me remorsefully and mumbled, "I'm really sorry". I shrugged in acceptance.

Morale? Sorry, that's yours to deduce!
by Ehiwuogwu Onyeka for www.zeustelescope.blogspot.com

Friday, July 26, 2013

LAWYERS- AS THEY COME!


THE CHARGE AND BAIL LAWYER
Ø  His briefcase holds his library. His car (if he has one) is his annex
Ø  The police station is his office address
Ø  Prides himself in the fact that he knows all the officers in the
 police station by name
Ø  Operates with the lowest overhead cost of all lawyers
Ø  Sets out every work day in his bib and collar.
THE TRADING LAWYER –GOOD GARRI FOR SALE!!!
Ø  Has leaflets and information for the next big thing.
Ø A creative trader who avoids flouting rules concerning practice and trading.
Ø      He lives percentages and talks about a cut for every
business he brings to the table
Ø  He’s only phones call away from someone who knows
 someone who can fix a problem for you. 

THE RADICAL ACTIVIST LAWYER.
Ø  Flies towards controversy like a moth to flame.
Ø He’s loud and opinionated
Ø Has direct contact with all the pressmen and stringers
Ø He approaches a case like a proverbial hare of the blocks but rarely
 makes it to the finish line.
Ø Has perfected the art of soap-boxing
Ø Has an opinion on all matters 

The AMBULANCE CHASER
Ø  He makes you see the sunny side of your injury or accident.
Ø  He can turn those crutches for some cool cash
Ø  He believes that every pain can be soothed with a naira note
Ø  He believes in making important decisions, eg, whether
to sue or not, before your vitals have been
stabilized – no time like the present.

The “I AM A LAWYER LAWYER”
Ø  Insists on being called the “Law”, “Barrister”, “Learned Counsel”.
Ø  Sprinkles a healthy dose of latin maxims in every conversation
Ø  Starts out every sentence with ‘ As a Lawyer…’
Ø  Working hard for those important 3 letter ‘Es Ay En’.

THE BUSINESS LAWYER.
Ø  Always turns up in the latest designer suits
Ø  Has not seen the inside of a court room since his
    court attachment as a student.
Ø  Hates to lose any sweat for a case
Ø  Multi- million naira deals gets his heart pumping

Adapted from TAKAii Magazine.
Follow Zeus Telescope on twitter @zeuskachi

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

The Thing About Heartbreaks and Earthquakes;How To Not Die from Heartbreaks.

The Thing About Heartbreaks and Earthquakes;How To Not Die from Heartbreaks.
Did I tell you, yes, You reading now that I've been studying German and a bit of Russian as well? Well, never mind, since it has got nothing to do with heartbreaks or earthquakes after all.
Only a few sights could be more pathetic than that of a full grown man crying, or a young lady recoiling far into her shell because of the sudden slam of heartbreak.
Two months ago, I put up a post on facebook about how I've never suffered a heart break and wouldn't mind one. YES, I haven't! As expected a flurry of comments came in but non struck me like that from a friend whose view was that I had probably never suffered a heartbreak because I had never loved. His opinion was that love and heartbreaks are inseparable, 'mutually inclusive' of each other and that they go hand in like poverty and poor health, a bad car and greasy palms,  Jonathan and inactions/setting up adhoc committees or Arsene Wenger and detrimental frugality.
Its is for this reason that I now write- to strive towards  establishing that loving should not automatically expose one to heartbreak or its associate pitfalls.
One very disheartening sight is that of a heartbroken person, even worse when the victim is a lady.
The aim of this piece is to inform, equip as well as expose certain facts about emotions and how to avoid , handle or mitigate the effect of a heartbreak to its barest minimum.
 The overwhelming and stupefying power of love over us humans can never be overstated. Love at its full swing could be powerful, intoxicating, overpowering, confusing, inexplicable, and totally blinding! Love is such a good feeling that being deprived of it could be likened to slow painful murder. So when we fall face flat for Love, its totally normal and in line with the order of nature. It simply reveals the human in us and that we're not android tablets.
Like the law of diminishing marginal returns, however, love rises to it peak heights and embarks on a steady decline and the rate and manner at which it drops, depends largely on the parties involved as well as the surrounding circumstances. While in some, it drops totally till it vanishes, in others it only reduces its lustre but remains as efficacious as ever. That is the case with couples- I mean MARRIED COUPLES not lovers!
Back to our main issue, heartbreaks, the blunt truth about this is that no heartbreak ever comes without a warning.Like earthquakes, for each case of emotional crack up, several signs are shown, which unfortunately ends up undetected by the victims siesmometer; even when detected, failure to react accordingly. The failure to detect or act upon the detected signs has become the main reason why most people fail to handle the 'shock' involved and in not a few cases, they spiral way out of control.The outcome of this could be depression, starvation, drunkenness, compulsive disorders, violence and  suicides, passionate murders and even serial killings.
Let's consider a common, yet hypothetical scenario to buttress this point, and hope my readers get a lesson or two from it.
In a relationship,which has always been blissful and enviable- maybe not so blissful though, a partner suddenly begins to display certain tendencies that were totally alien to his/her personality and the relationship.  For instance, he becomes violent, sparsely, hardly or never calls, suddenly begins to keep late hours outside, take long late night calls, continues to give excuses why he could not take your call or call you back, now passwords his phones or laptops, leaves your presence to answer a call, or when he doesn't , he responds in monosyllabics; making a potpourri of illogical answers and incoherent words, chuckles and quick responses , then finally says "same here" or "me too" at the end of the call...probably because the caller/recipient says "I love you".
Having noticed this displays, most people are likely to become suspicious, but the the common thing is to shove the feelings aside, since "they haven't caught him pants down yet". Very Noble indeed!  No doubt, that's a good and civilised thought, but the ultimate end- self preservation-must not be left far astray. While we must all strive to display a certain level of maturity and civility, it does no harm to begin saving for the rainy day and reaffirming the fact that anything is possible.
Granted, confrontations at this stage might be way to early, premature and smack of immaturity on her part, and I would most vocally advice against that. However, it simply does more good than harm to begin to see a blurred picture of a looming end.
To liken the above to an earthquake or volcano warning, while the Nigerian government might not budge to relocate and protect its masses from an impending natural disaster, despite several warning signs, the US government as we know too well, would hastily take steps to ensure that its citizens are not caught up in the looming hardship.That is typically the case with dealing with an impending heartbreak!
Once those NEW traits are noticed, the prudent measure to take is to prepare one's mind for an impending heartbreak- and take steps towards emotional relocation or adjustment at the least. Begin to learn how to live without that person. The only inseparable human connection known to man is a siamese twin connected by brain other sensitive organs. Many cases abound where even siamese twin were separated-and they survived. So its VERY possible to survive without any human. Regardless of  how long it takes to come it is safer to prepare - like the US government. Need I tell you how badly those in the Nigerian divide suffer?If the end doesn't come, fine- You deserve to live happily ever after.
 Although, it is practically impossible to shake it off and continue like you only lost a tooth or without feeling deeply cut, the preparedness of mind towards the final event clearly equips the victim with what is needed to combat such heartbreak. Nothing burns  the heart more than a sudden logdment of bad news and prolonged thinking or dwelling on hurtful thoughts. So you might as well do your self the favour of taking the news in tiny, minuscule bits, until the job is done. Shock kills especially when it strikes suddenly!Be warned!!!
Ps: In answer to my good friend's comment, I dare to state that my not suffering a heartbreak has absolutely nothing to do with  'Lovelessness' because I sure do have a Love faculty. Rather it is hinged on the rule of notice, precaution, preparedness and ultimately, the duty of self preservation!
DasveedAnja! Auf wiedersehen! ,Tschuss! Sayanora...Goodbye for now.
Follow Zeus Telescope on twitter @zeuskachi

Saturday, July 20, 2013


Abacha’s daughter under fire for attacking Soyinka
Gumsu, one of the daughters of the late  Gen. Sani Abacha, has taken to Twitter to take swipes Nobel Laureate, Prof. Wole Soyinka.
She described the iconic writer as an “empty professor”, accusing him of assuming the role of a critic in the Nigerian polity because of financial gains.
Though the reason behind the Twitter rant could not be ascertained as at the time of filing this report, her earlier message in a tweet had stated, “Do the thing you fear the most. If there’s one thing that will change your thoughts quicker than anything else, it’s facing your fears.”

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Patience's version of Ayo Osinlu's Reply to Professor Wole Soyinka

Patience Jonathan's version of Ayo Osinlu's Reply to Professor Wole Soyinka
The most important job of a spokes person is to put the mind of client, or the person he speaks for in words and relate it as originally as possible and without radical divergence.
This however wasn't the case for Mr Ayo Osinlu, who failed on all fronts to capture the mind of Madam Jonathan.
There is absolutely no way that Patience  would have meant those words he said, because she couldn't have thought of them in the first instance. You can't say what you can't think of!
Rather, what she must have had in mind is;....