Nigerian Ladies Now Love Polygamy.

Firstly, I'd plead with my readers to permit the gross fallacy of generalisation this caption conveys and simply take the message and not the messenger. after all, this fallacy could not be compared in terms of its grave error to the University of Nigeria, Nsukka slogan that says "A UNN graduate is ahead you, naturally"! This statement is as wrong as Ashley Phelps Young is an impulsive Diver!

I grew up with the understanding that polygamy connotes a man's willful act of taking another wife, whilst still married to another woman.To that extent it was roundly seen as a man thing-as one of those inherent vices men naturally possess, and a strong evidence of their inability to remain monogamous, faithful and committed to one partner in a relationship.

Consequently, the average woman detested polygamy and polygamists. Also, the 'new or Second wife' was usually seen as a home breaker, a devil, a demon sent from the fiery depths of hell to come destroy a peaceful home.

It had always been a thing of shame and embarrassment for women who got married as second wives.

It was more common amongst uneducated or 'not very exposed ' women and mostly those on whom age had begun to heave the societal pressure to get married, which in my humble opinion, is both senseless and unnecessary. Marriage should never be made a compulsory ingredient, requirement or sine qua non for a fulfilled life, or as the yardstick for a great woman. For ladies who strongly feel the urge to procreate and nurse babies, well, I'm sure they know what to do! I'm sure to write about this soon, but till that day comes, with Polygamy shall we now continue.

Thus, desperation was basically the cause.

However, trend today seem to vary. Times have changed and certain norms and beliefs seem to have been smashed to smithereens, gathered again and grinded into a pourri of immorality and shamelessness as ladies are now a lot less embarrassed at the notion of being concubines and second wives.

This thought was triggered by the sight of a few beautiful ladies ( trust my judgment; when I tell you about beautiful women ) known to me,  living as concubines but with obvious dreams and aspirations of being elevated to the status of Wifehood.

Quite often I've heard them pray and even talk aloud about their faith and hope in God to give them "their own men" and give them kids next year.

Now that begs for two, just two questions; viz

1. What men could they really be referring to as their own?

2. If it’s a different man from the one they are currently entangled with, that's fine, but then, would they be comfortable if he keeps concubines too or if the practice of concubinage continues?

Going by their constant reference to these men as their "husbands", it is easy to see that when these ladies talk about "their own men", they couldn't possibly be referring to any other person but that husband of another woman. Imagine the farcical world we live in! That a young woman hoping to have a monogamous home and not share her husband with another, would call someone else's husband, “her man” , that to me is the height of absurdity.

Attempting to answer the both questions together, as they tend to overlap, my reasoning is that these ladies, like a host of others these days have settled well with the choice of polygamy and concubinage rather than a monogamous marriage as some might be forced to think.

Furthermore, even if they finally find themselves in a monogamous set up, one possibility would never be remote. That is the likelihood of sharing their loving husbands with another damsel out there, who has been caught up the whirlpool of modern day women's acceptance of polygamy.

Granted, perhaps many would escape the long arms or nemesis, but the likelihood of its success can never be disregarded. Its even very common today to see second wives and concubines become so defensive and fight tooth and nail to prevent a third or another mistress from gaining entrance. They try to burn the polygamous bridge soon after they get into the home so as to prevent further intrusions, rather than allowing the ‘polygamous goodie’ pass on to the next willing Nigerian Girl who Loves Polygamy too.
Another common trend these days is that where mistresses wear and flagrantly display a self- procured "aboki dey sell am"  'engagement' or wedding rings. There could possibly be a better definition of the word "self deceit"? I doubt so!!!
In totality, the point I have strove to make here is that the quest for marriage or being married should neither be at all cost nor done with full recourse to desperation and disregard for God or morality. It should never be seen as a do or die affair, and the need to refrain from serving on others meals which we would not want to be served with should never be trampled upon.

by Onyeka Ehiwuogwu
edited by Ngozi Ehiwuogwu ( The 1st Lady).