LAWYERS ONLY!

It is my first day at the University of Benin. With great trembling, veiled in  a facade of Dutch confidence and boldness I walked through the door of the Gabriel Osawaru Igbinedion, Complex, Faculty of Law, University of Benin.

Sparsely 20 minutes later, I walked back, out of that same gate, but this time with shame  and disappointment. The words "go get dressed like a lawyer and come back"  from Dr. Oyakhirome (now Oyakhirome J) trailed me, even though  it clearly made no sense to me, since I wasn't even a bona fide student yet, let alone a 'Lawyer'.

Still thinking of how to procure a pair of black pants, white long sleeve shirt and a dark tie (since that list never really featured in my fashion menu), I walked out of the bubbling complex. I overheard two law students-one actually, because he apparently subscribed to the ''You convince people better by shouting" school of thought. I could hear his shriek and feminine voice,'' A judge must not be loquacious. He's too loquacious to be a judge"  he cried. I could hear his voice fade away as I walked out of the complex, since I neither knew what "loquacious" meant nor had I ever heard it before. I had absolutely no interest-'What nonsense'!

Quitestrangely, those words (without the voice of course-It helped a great deal toforget the voice) stuck in my head and I quickly got to understand what they meant. It became a yardstick for assessing every Judge I met and even appeared before, moot Court Judges and real ones alike. As I got to know how important those words are in a Judge's nature, I discovered much to my utter chagrin that not many Judges, could pass for 'Not loquacious' or 'taciturn', in spite my largely lax standards.

One Judge whom effortlessly beat my erstwhile unsurpassed standards is Honourable KUDIRAT MOTOMORI OLATOKUNBO KEKERE-EKUN  JSC.

Then, as a youth corp member, still green at the bar, appearing before a trio of stern looking Court of Appeal Justices wasn't exactly far from the first time I took the leap of asking a girl out- one older than me since I was way too young to go for younger girls. Waiting to move a motion ( which of course I had never drafted before, besides the fake Kayuba Ada and Crown Kitchen ones at the Law School) in a case for which the facts were  almost  totally unknown or vague to you, save for some verbal briefings by an over expectant boss it felt like judgment day for a murder and Armed Robbery suspect- in Adams Oshiomole’s Edo State. Just as the final pint of confidence sipped out, in fast trickles, having heard your case mentioned, and the words "Appearances" hit the Courtroom, I could feel my lungs inflate with a sudden revamp.'Most respectfully My Lords....'

In 20 minutes the episode was over, but not thoughts of the raw, original and complete features of a judge filled my mind.

With priestly calmness, mastery of words, professional courtesy, polite firmness, charisma, objectivity and patience Justice Kekere-Ekun was simply of the most outstanding character and definitely an epitome of what every Judge should be. Having appeared before quite a few others, I'm forced to conviction that my assessment about His Lordship is hardly based on some random conclusion borne out of a hasty and uncomprehensive study.

Turning to judgments and delivery, His lordship's unique style of delivery is one to be applauded in no small measure.

Taking every fact and shredding it into tiny yarns and applying the most apt principle of law, His Lordship made a fine art of judgments. As she read out her rulings, the perfect sequence and harmony of the plot forced lawyers and litigants into an unavoidable feat of suspense as the courtroom would always be dead silent, waiting for the climax. Those judgments would surely fall nothing short of several PhD theses I have seen.

Correcting erring lawyers in the most courteous and professional manner, without deflating their effervescent, fragile and well polished egos, Justice Kekere-Ekun maintained the beauty of wearing a robe much to the admiration of the gallery.

With such qualities of a Judge, its hard to see why Your Lordship won't be promoted to grand level of a Supreme Court Justice not for any reason, but on the basis of merit. In the words of Senator David Mark, “It is a welcome development for the Supreme Court and I think emphasis should be on merit and not on gender". These few words no doubt says it all. Also, according to Professor Taiwo Osipitan SAN, “I entertain no doubt that the Bar, The Bench, lovers of Justice, fair play and transparency will benefit from the elevation of Justice Kekere-Ekun to the Apex Court”

As an advocate of substantial justice over technicality, His Lordship’s judgment in ALHAJA AYO OMIDIRAN V. ETTEH PATRICIA OLUBUNMI AND ORS (2010) LPELR-CA/I/EPT/NA/95/08 and, FATOKI V. BARUWA (2012)14 NWLR (PT.1319)P.3 amongst so many speaks loud.

I need not say anything else but to wish this stoic of an Amazon the fruits of her hard work, diligence, integrity, honesty and above all Justice. Your achievements are far from over. Keep waxing stronger and onto greater heights.

NB; THIS PIECE WAS SO CAPTIONED NOT TO RESTRICT THE READERSHIP OR AUDIENCE TO LAWYERS ALONE BUT TO  INNOCENTLY HARNESS THE BENEFITS OF REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY ON  THE INTELLIGENT MINDS OF MY READERS. BUT SINCE STOLEN WINE IS SWEETER, I'M SURE THEY WOULD WANT TO SATISFY THEIR CURIOSITY. SO, I GUESS IT WORKED!

BY EHIWUOGWU ONYEKA for Zeus Telescope^®

^{www.zeustelescope.blogspot.com}

Re Death Penalty; Adams Oshiomole; Guilty or not Guilty? By Onyeka Ehiwuogwu

Five armed men rob a family, brutally rape a 48 years old woman and her 3 daughters in the presence of the husband and brothers, kill the 12 years old girl who refuses to be raped, kill two dogs, and sticks a bottle into the private parts of one of the ladies. They go to the neighbour’s house and wreck a similar carnage but this time shoots the husband 5 times in the head and chest to ensure he's dead just because he says he'd rather die than watch his wife and daughters raped. Hmmm! Or even worst, a man shoots another in the bush dismembers his body parts and buries them in several places.

Religious fundamentalists attack a school; kill thirty innocent kids and teachers for no reason or provocation whatsoever. The only wrong those little angels committed was  going to school to learn how to help this nation out of its current doldrums.

In the past few weeks, the media, political and judicial world has been awash with news of the controversial signing by Governor Adams Oshiomole of death warrants and subsequent executions of some inmates on death row.

Without trying to hold brief for the Governor, I dare to state unequivocally that his act falls well within the bounds of the law and would hardly be proven to be unconstitutional.

Top on the list of blind critics is Amnesty Intentional. As a body whose stock in trade is "human right advocacy" and fighting against human right violations in the world over, I think I can relate to what they claim to stand for. But what I find quite disturbing about this group is their compulsive habit of delving, sometimes blindly into the smallest issues of perceived human right infringements without first appreciating the peculiar facts surrounding the case and distinguishing same. Such practice only reiterates the common practice of  most human right lawyers who like the proverbial hare, gets off the block first, but hardly makes it to the finish line due to poor appraisal of facts or better still  lack of 'feasibility study'.

The executions of Osaremwindia Aighuokhian ( whom the Supreme Court stated that he belonged to the Hades), Chima Ejifor, Richard Igagu and Daniel Nsofor were all legally founded and should not in any way be equated to the extra judicial killing of Ken Saro-Wiwa and other Ogoni sons by a blood thirsty Abacha junta .

Section 33(1) Of the 1999 Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria clearly states that

Every person has a right to life, and no one shall be deprived intentionally of his life, save in execution of the sentence of a court in respect of a criminal offence of which he has been found guilty in Nigeria.

Other statutory provisions like Sections 49A, 319 and the Criminal Code Act and section 1(2) (a) and (b) of the Armed Robbery and Fire Arms Act still retains the legality of death sentences in Nigeria. Without prejudice to the campaign against capital punishments, it is apparent that until the much heralded call for the abolition of death penalty in Nigeria is heeded to by the legislature; it remains a valid and necessary part of our criminal law jurisprudence.

Let us now focus on the need or otherwise of retaining death penalty in Nigerian laws. The writer makes bold to state that he is firmly and most resolutely in support of capital punishment, but first let us consider certain factors; When a man becomes too vicious, deadly and extremely dangerous, to remain in the midst of other humans, what other treatment could there possibly be but to 'weed' the garden and completely extricate him from society? One would hastily suggest the life imprisonment and solitary confinement for such persons. But the truth still remains that things could change and such a convict could either be granted pardon or benefit from a jail break thus ‘returning the killer weed  back to the farm’- much to the detriment of innocent masses.

Moreso, the mere fact that America, UK and the Western world deems it fit to pass or abolish a law should not form a magical basis or reason why ours should follow suit. If we choose to change, it should be because Nigeria so desires and not   because she feels compelled in a bid to catch up with the rest of the world. Other factor should necessarily be considered before deciding on the need to so change. Factors such as poor prison conditions, shoddy security facilities, unreliable legal system, and an undemocratic setting where selections rather than elections hold sway must not be ignored.

For instance, after the embarrassing trial, conviction and shameful escape of ex Governor Diepreye Alamieseigha, he was seen as a national disgrace and one who should never hold any public office again. However, little had the dust settled after such shame when President Goodluck Jonathan controversially granted him pardon, thus preparing him for a relaunch back into the political arena of Nigeria. In the same vein, if he had been guilty of a capital offence, the President would still have had the powers to grant him pardon unless he had been made to serve the ultimate punishment- death!

The alarming increase in reported cases of jail breaks in Nigeria, clearly lays credence to the impracticability of merely imprisoning capital offenders, without completely putting a stop to their existence and totally checking the possibility of  their return to the society. One could only imagine how many murderers, armed robbers, and other deadly criminals on death row must have escaped from the recent jail break in Olokuta prisons, Akure, Ondo State.

It is not in dispute that the four 'executees'  in question were lawfully convicted by a competent Court. It is also not in dispute that each one of them appealed to the Supreme Court and their convictions were all upheld by the Apex Court. Having been so roundly convicted, the only legal option available to them is either the Governor's exercise of a prerogative of mercy or an endorsement of the death sentence by signing of the said death warrants. That said, it is hard to see how or where Governor Oshiomole erred in performing a duty conferred on him by law. Furthermore, rather than criticizing the Governor alone, other government officials ranging from the  legislators who enacted the laws , the President who consented to it, the Judge for sentencing them, the appellate Courts for upholding the sentences, the clergy who offered the last rites, to the hangman for carrying out his statutory duties should all be made to face the heat of a wolf cry . I wonder why the Governor alone would be singled out for so much vitriolic attack.

Come to think of it, why waste tax payers’ hard earned money on caring for and maintaining an inmate on death row for so many years when such funds could be put to more judicious use?!

In conclusion, as much as arguments against death penalty are welcome, it must be emphasized that it still remains a mere attempt and at best a campaign until it becomes part of our laws. Hence, any efforts towards condemning it should never be based on law, save for instances where there are clear violations. In the absence of such violations, anti- capital punishment crusaders should endeavor to base their arguments on sentiments, emotions and personal opinions but not on extant Nigerian laws. To that extent, the act of Governor Adams Oshiomole is legal, very legal and nothing else! 

PS: Let's not forget the fact that some inmates were also given the benefit of a prerogative of mercy and substantial funds to kick start themselves again.

SEE HOW CRAZY WE COULD BE?

v You break a girl's/ guy's heart  because you don't like her/him and brag about it before anyone who cares to listen like you are David Beckham or a Marilyn Monroe clone. Fine, they say ‘no Pity in love’! But why would you expect to be treated nicely like Romeo to

Juliet ( or vice versa) by another person you claim to love who doesn't give a pepper corn about you. When they don't reciprocate, you say they are heartless.

v v  You broke a peaceful home to become a second wife or a mistress. Fine! So why would you be overly sensitive to your husband seeing other women? Why not just SHARE the fun same way you got yours?

v  You convinced a man/woman to divorce or even kill his spouse and jump ship to you, why are you so confident she's now totally conviction-proof from other men?

v People try to establish an acquaintance, relationship or friendship with you and you scorn them for whatever reason like their life depends on how you see them. Okay! Just don’t fail to really win vision of how you are not such a vital or indispensable ingredient to their existence or successful life. There's a God; and you are not Him!

v You sleep with a girl and call her sick names, but end up  marrying a NON virgo intacta, you say its love. My dear, its a Merry go round world!Your dating a married man, and he stays out late nights with you, but each  day you fantasize and pray about having a happy home with 3 kids, a dog and loving husband that comes home from work by 5.30 pm. How can?

v You want a husband that stays in the kitchen with you, helps out with some chores, and thrills you with funny conversations, even if its at the cost of sacrificing some piece of fried meat and plantain. Yeah, that's lovely! You still want him to give you a black card to go shopping in Dubai, manicure in Honolulu....and pedicure in Milan. How possible is that? Its simple; Dangote, Bill Gates,  Jigga et al spend 25hrs per day on business and chasing the biggest( Milan and Dubai) money... NOT REALLY in the kitchen with their wives. So just decide what you want. Either a filthily rich husband with no kitchen hours or your dream kitchen companion with no Dubais, Milans and Paris...atleast settle for shop rite and Leventis, maybe Tejuosho or whatever!

v  You want a wife that's full, (because "as an African man, you like em Big") hot and sexy even after child birth. That's Nice. I mean, who wouldn't ? But  from her FULL physique you know its almost genetically impossible for her to remain as cute as you met her after four kids.....just adopt kids , cats and dogs and enjoy having hot Halle Berry for the rest of your life rather than making her feel bad that she's NOW not good enough.. Even worse, you've got a pouch too! Hmmm!

v You never want to see your kids play football because you feel its a rough sport and perhaps you want them to be Doctors and Astronauts. No thanks to JAMB they get stuck or derailed, now you wish Mikel Obi's dad were you. Heey, Common!

v A relationship breaks down, you swiftly and totally ascribe blames to your ex failing to see where you went wrong for a second. Your lack of conversation, nagging, over bearing attitude, dirtiness, selfishness, stupid pride, persistent youthful exuberance, immaturity and mummy’s boy syndrome, constant moodiness, rudeness, and compulsive over dependence. All that you fail to acknowledge. Just so you know, your ex feels the same way too...so whose fault is it?

v  Your friend, an aspiring artist chooses to present himself in a rough hip hopish outlook, he asks a decent girl out and she rejects his overtures, because she quite rightly sees him as irresponsible. A couple of years later, small luck winks at him and you go about drooling that she’s a hater or never believed in him. Simple question; would you have allowed your innocent little sister to date a 30 year old "Don't dull" Wizkidesque  junkie like your friend?

v You see a lady/man with well starched and ironed clothes walking close to a muddy pool and you speedily splash water with your car tires on her/him DELIBERATELY or maybe blindly. He/she loses his calm and civility- angrily picks up a stone and launches a missile at your windshield. Ask yourself; "Do I have a right to get angry or do I deserve it"? Loolzz....ofcourse you don't and you sure do deserve it!

v You know this guy/girl is a crack head, and a junkie with a proven track record of immorality and stupidity. You insist on your 'blind love' for him because his 'kind', tall , dark and 'handsome and got swag. Let's go! You proceed to burn the boat and cross the rubicon with him/ her because he promised to change! Now he/ she  beats and abuses you. You say Men/ Women are all the same and all wicked!  Just Sharaap and enjoy what you bought in peace. If a wife prepares a bad soup,she is left with no choice but to eat gluttonously . Or better still ask your neighbour if her 'not handsome, swagless' husband does a Floyd Mayweather with her if you think all men are the same.

Moral 1:Let's learn to detach ourselves from the picture when we make certain judgments and decisions. Life must not always revolve around us and what we feel or want. We are not always the perfect ones we think we are.

Moral 2: Learn to stick by your choices and decisions in life. Every choice we make has got its benefits and burdens since they go hand in hand. Its nice to chest both and move on.

Moral 3: Be objective and try occasionally to see from other people's perspective besides your sentiment- befogged one.

By Onyeka Ehiwuogwu (Lord Zeus) for Zeus TELESCOPE

Edited by Ekokowoicho May- Blessing Ujata.

###Hardstand!!!

Musa and Ideye at The Confederations Cup.

Its Tuesday, the 25th day of June, 2013. One of those days in which you find your table loaded with files but you're bereft of any drive to open one. Which you feel like dashing back home to listen to and maybe just do a  rehash of Bruno Mars's Lazy song. Apparently, I was still labouring under a hang-over from the Confederations Cup disappointment.  

Suddenly, it hit me; Confederations Cup!Yes, Musa and Ideye!

Its often said that a chain is only as strong as its weakest link. This was undoubtedly proven to be true with regards to the Super Eagles outing at the Confederations Cup. Before I proceed to vilify, crucify or pour out vituperatives on anybody (as this write up might turn out to be) it is also pertinent to stack praises on those well deserving of it.

 Coach Keshi; Its easy to recall that the last time Nigeria stood still to watch a game with so much passion, unity and patriotism, evidencing the often hidden existence of our Unity as a nation was at the 1996 Atlanta Olympics. Ever since that spectacular performance, what we've seen in the past years are but flashes of individual brilliance from the likes of Okocha, Kanu, Martins, Aghahowa etc but never a well organized team set up. That said, its plainly undeniable that bringing back such long lost love for National team football is a magical feat to be achieved by only an infinitesimal few. For once in almost two decades, the streets of Nigeria were desolate and deserted and most TV stations were 'OSMIed' simply because the Eagles were flying. For a man whose composure, charisma, discipline, boldness, oozing self-confidence and 'man-in-charge' attitude has restored the spirit of love for National football in the nation, it would be deemed a treasonable felony not to appreciate him. Within months of his widely criticized appointment as head coach of the Super Eagles, Coach Stephen Okechukwu Keshi quickly re-ignited that sense of commitment and dedication that was conspicuously missing from the national team. Besides winning the AFCON trophy in a much dominant and admirable fashion, Coach Keshi also repackaged the beautiful style of Nigerian football which had always been midfield dominance, long range shots, an imposing back four, slow attacking build-up to wear off opponents, accompanied by a sudden bust of pace during counter-attacks. A style of play which greatly suited, and bolstered the flourish of the Chukwus, Taribos, Olisehs, Babayaros, Okochas, Amunikes, Babangidas, Yekinis and ofcourse my favourite Bull.

Watching Nigeria play star-studded elevens like Spain, and a fierce attacking line-up like Uruguay's, it became glaring how much improvement this man had brought to the National team. With a defence line that almost completely quelled all attacking forces of Suarez and Cavani (two of the most feared attackers in World football), I wondered if all other National team coaches we've had in recent past really took time out to select players or just did a random grab bag selection.

Mikel Obi and the Midfield: This man took over the sports headlines of sport newspapers all over the world with the historic tussle between Sir Ferguson and the now 'happy one' even whilst still relatively unknown. His performance at the Confederations Cup once again rekindled memories of the 2005 WYC midfield enforcer in action and why he was such a sort after commodity. His mastery of typical Nigerian style football remains overwhelming to me. With inch perfect passes and surgically precise distribution of the ball, he really did dominate. Too bad those sterling displays were barely ever utilized by the much inept duo of Musa and Ideye who deemed it more pragmatic to ALWAYS shoot before they think.

Obaobona and the Defence line; A home based player with 'limited experience'. That clearly wasn't the case for Oboabona who quite easily bullied the likes of Suarez, Cavani, Iniesta, Pedro to name a few on a regular basis. His partner, Kenneth Omeruo having displaced a towering figure like Joseph Yobo has continued to ooze the confidence of a world class centre back despite his surprisingly young age.

Musa, Ideye and the Attacking Third; Call it instincts, call it experience, but from the moment heard of Emenike and Moses's non participation in the tournament, I was convinced that our chances at the fiesta had been decimated. However, one man took it upon himself to prove me wrong-Nnamdi Oduamadi. Showing so much composure and confidence in the manner of a natural finisher seemed to be like an ember in a somewhat dark tunnel, albeit against the worst defence ever in a senior FIFA competition. Too bad his stellar performance was cut short by an arguably benign looking tackle.

Turning the the most dismal performers; Musa and Ideye. Yeah! they both swore to confirm my worst fears and prediction as to the lack of striking options. I'm forced to wonder how these two men having played in offensive positions all footballing lives, still find it difficult to maintain a certain level of calmness in front of goal, or understand the elementary football principle that goals win you matches, and chances must be converted to win games. As for Musa, I dare to argue that if not for the regular unscheduled drug tests involved in professional football, I would bet my full viscera that his nostrils are not clean. With a blistering pace, enough to outrun any defender in the world, this young man's abject naivety, poor decision making, thoughtlessness, befogged vision, consistent and unrealistic over ambitiousness and rashness, in the final third remains unbeatable...maybe only by a certain Bebe once over-valued by Sir Alex. Ideye on the other hand reminds me of the need to put ones brain in gear before attempting to make any move. Never seen a more profligate striker save for Adebayor and Nicklas Bendtner. A total travesty of confidence and composure. On several occasions, when the over-head Cameras zoomed on him, he consistently revealed an expression on his face which read thus:"heeey!kai, too bad, I was supposed/ trying to do this. Okay I'll try out something else next time. Please just pass the ball to me again, I didn't know what to do then, but I'll score this time". That look appeared on his face a million times. Yet, he'd still repeat the same error. Having played football for many years, like every average Nigerian male, it is of elementary knowledge that striking opportunities must as much as possible be well utilized. Futhermore, when deployed in a 4:4:2 formation, you are being told to pair up/ play with an accompanying striker, rather than doing it all alone in a Didier Drogbalike style. What Ideye opted to do was attempt to play like a lone striker, then turn around to complain to his teammates that the opposing defenders didn't allow him get a good shot on goal like they were supposed to watch him play.

More so, like Torres showed in his goal against the Eagles, when he attacked the ball before Obaobona could make a clearance, the natural instinct of a striker is to get to the ball first before a defender does. Ideye saw himself doing the reverse and hoping a cross misses a defender or vice versa for him to score, rather than playing in front of his marker. Watching the grossly obtuse performance of Musa and Ideye, it brought to mind the fact that the greatest people in life were never really given the best opportunities per se, rather they made the best of the few opportunities they had.

Till next time, let's hope the block  doesn't come again, all we can do is hope for the return of Moses and Emenike as they shake of their injury woes to help the Eagles hit a home run and at least give Nigerians something to cheer for at the Grand finale in Brazil.

PS. Other good actors on the day worth appreciating are Enyeama, Uwa Echiejile, Efe Ambrose, Fegor Ogude, for improving on his tackles, and Sunday Mba, whom despite an obvious lax in form still managed to put up flashes of brilliant displays.

SANUSI'S LOVE FOR KISSES

For the bulk of my esteemed readers who were probably too busy to track down the news of Uncle’s SLS’s penchant for adulterous kisses, maybe this would help you see the picture from a telescopic view.

Premium Times news informed us that twenty minutes to midnight on February 25, 2013, and a day before the board of the Central Bank of Nigeria was due to meet, Governor Sanusi Lamido Sanusi developed a craving for romance—he badly needed a kiss. The governor, married, with children, grabbed his mobile phone and typed out a message.  “Maybe you should come kiss me before board meeting tomorrow,” Mr. Sanusi wrote and then squeezed the send button.

 Reading this episode of Sanusi's alleged sexcapades, I said to myself ; 'Woow, what a smart way to ask for some love'!

 Firstly, besides the humour involved, one would expect that such daring, cancerous and devilishly defamatory publication about a high profile public servant would make counter publications, detailed denials and even writs flying in the opposite direction. At least, if for anything, to save face and try to put up a fight like another disappointing Alhaji ones did having been caught functioning more as a bureau de change agent than as an oil subsidy scam investigator. 

As much as I wouldn't want to convict SLS on this issue without a fair hearing, despite the media being replete with news of his sexual proclivities, one is forced to dwell on the fact that its been well over 10 days since this damaging details were released about the Governor and no concrete effort has been made to debunk the allegations and assertions contained in the news despite its damaging effect. Besides the shamefully ricketty rejoinder published by the CBN, which obviously was nothing more than its PR department hastily putting up a job -saving show to cover its apparent idleness, its hard not to ask the question why SLS hasn't taken any bold step to personally herald his innocence since its an attack bothering on his person. Atleast, its well known that he posseses the verbal ability to achieve that, like he showed when it bothered on cashless banking, Islamic banking, introduction of 5000 naira notes and many more. If anything is known about Sanusi, its his finely honed oratorial ablity and sophistry.This said, it stands shocking to me that he still hasn't taken to the podium in his usual fashion to explain this whirlwind of a news that might well blow him off. Could this just one of those instances where the overwhelming quality of evidence simple makes an accused numb-struck and utterly defenseless? 

 As I read to my utter chagrin and humour the embarrassing post about one of the topmost officials of our much loved malaise giant of a Nation, hopping on spaghetti legs, I began to wonder if we would ever have again any true heroes that would stand and stare integrity in the face. The quality of this news is even more appreciated when weighed against the fact that such a renowned new outfit like Premium times and Sahara Reporters would now too well about the risk involved in such publications if it turns out to be false or baseless. This is even more so when it bothers on immorality or infidelity of a woman. 

To that extent, to savor the humour contained in Premium Times’ expository/investigative news, I particularly enjoyed the part where lady confessed her appreciation of SLS'skill to rekindle dead embers of love and make the biblical dead bones rise again. Hear her; "I had such a wonderful weekend." “You have revived in me what I thought I lost long ago. I thought I lost the passion to love again,” 

Sincerely, for this confession alone, I made a pact with my self not to direct much negative comments towards her. Yeah,call me bias! Those words brings to mind a successful attempt to restart a dead Ford Mustang GT engine revving up to full capacity with a deep roar of appreciation. Its not so common to see women acknowledging the feat of a man's conquest, so as not be seen as loose, cheap, promiscuous or a 'holic'. But Mrs Yaro threw all that to the wind and did what she had to.Ladies, that's a hint from Mrs Yaro.  

However, my only issues against her are alleged adultery, infidelity, wasting taxpayers money, official corruption and the violation of official code of Conduct and official due process. Besides all these, and maybe a few more, I hold no grudge against her. She's free to go! 

The thoughts of Nigeria being run by a bunch of morally bankrupt individuals feasting on the wealth of the Nation like an all-expense paid party would really sicken any humane mind. It hurts to know that while a large chunk of Nigerians are unimaginably poor, those, whose duty it is to fix these conditions have found it pleasurable to ride on, and make the best fortunes form it. Would have loved to continue on this subject, but having now been over-driven by a feeling of passionate anger and disappointment for a bunch of ignoramus that has vowed to keep a Nation so blessed on a permanent reverse gear, wasting any  more drop of my ink on them would clearly be economically unadvisable. For a Country now known to be head deep in Insanocracy and parliamentum insanum, its obvious that we're now left 'Waiting for God'. 

Back to Work!

MY MOST LUDICROUS POSTS ON FACEBOOK. Vol.1, by Ehiwuogwu Onyeka

Firstly, permit me to start by emphasizing that this work was never meant to ridicule anybody's post. The writer knows too well about freedom of expression. But, if you still find it worthy to feel offended, like the great Chinua Achebe once told his abundant critics "write your own"! That said, I'd really enjoin the reader, whether affected or not to appreciate this from an objective view and take ONLY the humour intended.

This work comes from an Idi Amin perspective of the Right to freedom of expression that although the right to express yourself might be yours, what happens after the expression is not yours, and cannot be guaranteed! No it can't!

Having facebooked for almost a decade, certain posts and updates continue to amuse and even shock me. Let's see some.

 1." Pray for Boston/Oklahoma": Within 10 minutes of the Boston Marathon explosion, close to a hundred posts and tweets on the issue were placed on facebook, twitter and other social media. No doubt its a good gesture to mourn with those who mourn and pray for their redemption.My grouse with these posts and tweets is that despite a careful search for such messages pertaining to Nigerian incidents, non could be found.

 In the past decade, Nigeria could arguably be ranked very high in the Hall of shame of nations with high disasters, explosions, accidents and bloodshed rates generally.Yet, its sparsely ever seen that Nigerians put up such condolence posts on social media to show any form of solicitude to the victims.

I shudder to think that we are now used to such happenings, or we now see them as just another news? Its really sad that while our brothers and sisters in the Northern part of this country steadily receive a corpulent chunk of attacks in which hundreds of lives are lost, nobody ever comes out to post or tweet "Pray for Bornu,or Bauchi or Plateau". Perhaps some view 'white lives' as more important than blacks.This no doubt smacks of some sort of self inflicted colonialism. Or could it just be share inferiority complex that makes us want to associate and link up ONLY with outsiders, totally shutting our eyes to what happens to family? 

The simple point being made here is that the pain of disasters and deaths are the same everywhere. Death is Death. Car bombs are car bombs, fatal disasters are fatal disasters and explosions are explosions, any where in the world; whether in Baga, Southern Kaduna, Borno state or in Boston. The same efforts spent consoling the 'foreign' victims should be used to console the 'Local' ones...maybe more, because the efforts of the foreign governments towards the rehabilitation of her victims completely makes any of our verbal condolence worthless! Since the Nigerian government would hardly budge about rehabilitation or compensation, all the local victims would end up having are our messages of concern and love! Nigeria,being our primary constituency and immediate/nuclear family deserves more attention or atleast a right to first attention'.Yes, I said it!

 2."God give me a Rich, handsome, caring, Godfearing, respectful and loving husband"; Haaargh!!!This, by ten light years is the most amusing post I've ever seen on facebook. I saw this post and was almost forced to ask the lady what she then intends to bring into the marriage. Far from being chauvinistic or sexist (a man can't learn to be chauvinistic and sexist at old age), I strongly think every good lady deserves the 'ideal', 'dream man'...maybe RMD,Will Smith, Brad Pitt, David Beckham or even a bit of Michelle's boy. 

However, ladies must learn to take more reasonable and dignified steps in trying to get what they look out for in a men.I don't think Michelle, Jada or Jollie ever grovelled on the floor or took up banners like "I NEED A....MAN" to get their boys' attention. Placing such thoughts on facebook or making such super bowl offers to the whole world announces in neon lights that she's needy, dependent, desperate, immature, petty, delusional, suffering from a clinical diagnosis of mental laxity  and probably has little or nothing to offer in return to help the marriage. Its simple, if you want the Wills, Brads, Richards and Barracks, why not make efforts towards developing yourself like Jada, Jollie or Michelle and make the boys come making offers!

Knowledge about what guys look out for (ask him if you don't believe me) in women is that the desirable woman is one that subtly  'takes charge' and 'does things' with little or no dependence on a man. Nobody likes total DEPENDENCE, rather partial RELIANCE could be a strong centripetal force because it motivates the man to keep-up, as against dependence which enburdens.

Granted, its good to pray and ask God for a good spouse. But what happened to private, silent prayers in the confines of your room? The Holy Bible says in Mathew 6:5-6 that “And when you pray,you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you. 

Need I emphasize here that facebook and twitter even covers a wider audience than  the synagogues and street corners mentioned by the bible?

Come to think of it, I've never seen any one asking his dad or mum for school fees by yelling it out in public or posting it on facebook or tweeter, even though such parents might well be on social networks. If we agree on the utter stupidity and senselessness of such act, then its easy to see that prayers to the Almighty God deserves more sanctity and privacy.

 Desperation,(which is what such public offers displays) puts off and maybe scares people away.Trust me, nobody likes a loud, indiscreet, undiplomatic and vociferous desperado. That's a deadly combination! 

3. "I love Rita Dominic and I can give her twins":Guess who? Mr. LKT, the diminutive 'Yahoozee' crooner. This handsome young man in an interview confessed his long standing crush/love (whatever you choose to call it) for the sultry and nubile Nollywood veteran. He went further to win vision of his procreative abilities been  displayed on Ms Dominic to give her twins. Woow!!!

 Having grown up with a knowledge of the fact that its within a man's natural DUTIES to go after a woman his heart yearns for, notwithstanding the possibilities of refusal or rejection. My question then is,Why would a vibrant young man like LKT, at the prime of his 'exploratory' years as a bachelor not take the natural step by going to say this to Ms. Dominic? Why would he cave in during an interview to state such a confession without first doing the needful? 

One would think that celebrities date and marry each other since they practically live in the same habitat; same restaurants,same hotels,same salons,same airports and flights, same high profile shows, same video shoots, occassions and events, possibly the same banks and ultimately, same or similar entertainment industry (ies)!If that is the case, chances are that LKT doesn't live in an entirely different planet from the actress. He most definitely would have seen or met her on a regular basis. Or even knows where to find her if he's so in love.So what stops him from doing what even 'ordinary, non- celeb' guys would do effortlessly and probably make her blush? 

What could possibly be my friend's impediment? Fright, cold feet or fear of rejection? I doubt so. Heey!What happened to the guy code that says "shake it of...you're asking her out, not snatching her handbag with your legs shackled".Its simple, go make your offer, if its rejected, then she has only passed the gooddie or 'baddie' to another lady (depending on what he turns out to be). But when its accepted, the joy is PROFOUND! Its always better to go through life regretting things we did than those we failed to. So, why fidget over rejection from a pretty lady like a scared cat? If she says "No", shake it off and ask Swizz beats to help you move 'On to the next one'.

 Many years of cognate experience in this field has taught me that its way easier and lighter to handle rejection from such gorgeous and 'high-on-demand' ladies like Ms Dominic than one from ladies would hardly pass for that description.The latter might make a guy ask "Am I that bad"?Leaving his ego with a protracted hemorrhage.

Hmm, some mothers really do have them!

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE; THE SNEAKY REAPER

Its Thursday the 23rd day of May, 2013 at the Delta State High Court sitting at Oleh. Handling one and witnessing another divorce proceedings, a similar string seemed to run through the cases of both petitioners "I can't continue with a woman that slaps me always because she knows I would never hit her" That triggered a thought- Domestic Violence. 

The most famous dictionary-The Advanced Learners Dictionary sees domestic violence simply as violence against members of the family. Also, Domestic Violence could be defined as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. To stretch this definition a little further, we could say that behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound the other partner, also pass for domestic violence.  

Thus for DV to exist, the abuser and his victim should be family(or have a strong relationship at least) and there must be strings of violence. The most common forms of DV is wife battery, sexual assaults, verbal abuse and maltreatment.
Whether its the gory case of a certain Henry Nnadi, a dry cleaner who literally applied his ironing skills on his wife and killed his son, a girl who bathes her lover's private part  with acid for allegedly cheating, or as trivial as a woman who frequently goes on a husband insulting expedition, domestic violence has become so profuse in Nigeria that one would be forced to feel some men probably read the Iyke and Tina Turner episodes and vowed to do Iyke's role better. 

Talking statistics, a survey by Amnesty International shows that between half and two thirds of Nigerian women are subject to domestic violence in their homes. A random study conducted by the writer involving a few ladies, married and singles alike revealed the disheartening truth that almost all of them confessed to have been victims of DV at one time in a relationship or the other.

However, This problem, as much as it is arguably in its all time high is hardly ever talked about until the victim is injured, maimed or even killed. Domestic violence affects all social groups and can consist of physical, sexual,  psychological and even economical abuse. Although men can also be affected by domestic violence, women suffer disproportionately.

 This trend occurs across much of the world, but the Nigerian scenario seems worse because discriminatory laws and civilization levels compound its particularly high rates. Most potently, its prevalent culture of silence and stigma for the victims of domestic violence hinders public acknowledgement of the problem. There exists an urgent need to challenge the social prejudices and institutional structures in order to protect its women, not just from danger, but also from ridicule, fear and isolation and stigmatization. The societal burden on the victim is always so huge that it becomes more prudent to die in silence.

Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women—more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined. Studies suggest that up to 10 million children worldwide witness some form of domestic violence annually. EVERYDAY in the US, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends. Ninety-two percent of women surveyed listed reducing domestic violence and sexual assault as their top concern. 

Domestic violence not only affects those who are abused, but has its effects on family members as well. Children, who grow up witnessing domestic violence, are among those seriously affected by this crime. Frequent exposure to violence in the home not only predisposes children to numerous social vices but gives them a springboard on which grand scale domestic violence tendencies could be launched.

Let my dear reader not be forced to believe that DV is gender discriminatory. 
Despite the statistics being in favour of female population, there is also an increasing spate of domestic violence against husbands and even boyfriends. The point remains that the issue of domestic violence has always been  colonized by feminism and the idea of a male victim is utterly shameful and preposterous. Thus, in Nigeria and the world over, a complaining man is seen as lazy, a cissy or a wimpy man, while a complaining female is a victim.
Recent experience have shown that  even when many women claim to be victims of domestic violence they can often be as violent as their male partners- they've simply come off worse in a fight they may well have started in a usual fashion.
The rule against domestic violence is simply this; Domestic violence is bad, and the gender of the abuser or reason for such abuse never justifies the act.
As for abusive ladies, (as much as this might offend a few) if women are serious about being treated equally to men they can't expect to keep getting away with behaviour that most people would find unacceptable from men. A primordial and unrefined reasoning is that If a man would ordinarily retaliate from provocation to a fellow man's attack, could there possibly be any reason why his natural animalistic proclivities shouldn't push him to retaliate just because the assailant is a women especially when it puts the man's life or limbs at risk? Pain, injury and even death never inquires into the gender of  the giver.

That however does not represent the writers idea. The truth is that, like our good parents taught us, every real man should have the understanding of a woman’s weaker nature (at least physically) and he must strive to cope with the fact that retaliation to a woman’s attack  like he might a man’s, is grossly unacceptable and clearly depicts him as a half man, a monster and a disgrace to self-control.
On the final analysis, there is a need  for  everyone to be taught that it is unacceptable to be abusive  at all ,rather than determining the guilt of an abuser strictly along the lines of gender.
 Some of the reasons why DV continues to grows around the world, Nigeria in particular are as follows;
1. Relatively low literacy level-for the abuser and victim alike.
2. Poverty-most victims continue in abusive relationships because of their total dependence on the abuser and inability to survive on their own while the abuser capitalizes on the fact of his victim’s helpless situation.
3. Absence of useful laws to prosecute offenders. In the words of Zainab Bangura, on the House of Rep's approval of a law aimed at curbing DV in Nigeria, "There's no way to end sexual violence unless you end impunity." No doubt this will go a long way to prune the ever fluttering wings of perpetrators of Domestic abuse feeding of the lack of specific legislation on the subject. 
4. Absence of Rehabilitative agencies and NGOs. 
5. Victim's fear of stigmatization.

OUR RESPONSIBILITIES
In totality, the fact remains that each and every one of us owes a duty to strive towards minimizing or eradicating domestic violence in our society. It is easy o say  "its non of my business". But on the whole, its still everyone's job to ensure that the world tilts towards a better place to live in so we don’t continue to fall off.
Most people, for the most part, don’t want to be involved int the issues of others and we prefer to ignore the problem, hoping that it goes away. If you know or suspect that a neighbour, friend or family member is a victim of domestic violence – it is important to take a stand and call the relevant authorities or inform the relevant NGOs. You may be labouring under the impression that victims have a choice and if they are unhappy they will leave - and we criticize them for not leaving! Remember, victims have been conditioned to believe that they will not make it on their own and for many abused women and men, they rely on the financial support which is provided by their abuser.
Reporting domestic violence will ensure that the family that is suffering on a daily basis receives the help and counseling they need to mend and repair the damage that has been caused.If not for the victim, for the children watching. One day could mean the world of difference to a child who is witnessing the anger of their father or the difference between life and death for a woman who has inadvertently detonated her lover’s or husband’s rage.

Men who are abused by their spouses are often silenced by shame!
Women in an abusive relationship are urged to make a call and report the abuse to the authorities.

Do not die in silence or the shame of stigmatization.
Do not begin to feel its just one slap or that he'll change. Trust me, monsters don’t change!